Dating...

Dating. One word but it has a ton of weight. It also has many different meanings to different people. To me it means, anxiety! Dating is a chore. It is almost like a second full time job. One that is very exhausting, and emotionally draining. I have had a few very interesting dates lately. It kinda reminds me of one of those comedy movies where the woman has these blind dates and there is usually something very funny or weird about the guy and she gets "the call". Haha. I haven't used the call before, but I have used homework and or "man, look at the time, it's already 8:30 PM?? Where did the time go!!??" Hhaha!

I like that since I don't care at this point about winning someone over so I am not alone, now I am the one who says, "I'll call you." or "I'll text you."  Someone asked me recently, "If you do not care about impressing me what's the point?" (This question came about because I had answered a question of his and he didn't believe my answer, and I stated "Well, I could really care less if you believe me or not, I am not here to impress you.") I answered with, "Look, I am me, what you see is what you get. Period. I am not in to pretending to be something completely different than myself. Those days are over." He was shocked. He asked me why I was being so rude and callous. I bluntly looked at him and said, "Well, I am not being rude, it's called being honest, but it's not for you, we should call it a day." He stammered for awhile and said of course not, let's have some fun. Which we did, but I did not talk to him again. He texted for awhile, to no avail. Some days I feel like I am living Beyonce's 'If I were a boy'. LOL.

I was sitting today talking with a friend, about different relationships we had been in. It is amazing when you look back and you honestly cannot remember why you spent time with someone. I had a bf that ignored me completely. We dated for 9 months, until I met Justin. All it took was Justin to say, "Why don't you leave that loser for me?" That was a time when I did not leave someone before having another one lined up. As horrible as that is, that was the reality of it at that time in my life. I literally moved from one house to another. Looking back on this, that was not the best way to handle things. Unfortunately, I did not have anyone close to me to advise me differently. Although, honestly, being as stubborn as I am I probably would not have listened anyways. I was 18 and knew everything in the matters of love. HA! That is how a 27 year old man was able to sweet talk me in to doing whatever he wanted. When sweet talking didn't work, he knew how to use painful words to get the job done. Then there is the awesome relationship with the man that I thought was "the one". Well maybe relationship is too strong a word. My friend and I have lived the exact same scenario. It's rather sad. Fell for a man/boy who had a gf and told us, "oh I'm gunna leave her as soon as I find a place". Yeeeeah. After a few weeks I realized that wasn't happening, and went back to Justin. This man though, was in and out of my life for the last 7 years. Looking back I cannot believe it has been that long, and that it took me 6 years to be able to tell him no. He was the only person I have ever met in my life that I can be so mad my blood is boiling, but as soon as I see him I cannot seem to remember why I was mad in the first place, all the anger goes away and is replaced with pure adoration. The sad part is, he is now married to a woman whom he has rarely been faithful to, and she is aware of this. All I can say is WOW. Then there are the relationships that you think wtf was I thinking? You look back on it and see all the things that were 'odd' about it, and wonder how did I not see that while it was going on?! For someone who analyzes EVERYTHING, I sure do miss a lot! I think the problem is when I analyze things, not only do I see the problems, but I analyze them to the point of justification, almost like it was my fault for analyzing it in the first place. I should trust my instincts. I WILL trust my instincts. I made the statement earlier this week that I am not the pursuer, I am the pursuee (not sure if that is a word, but we are gunna go with it). Was talking with a friend about a recent guy who we had gone out on a few dates, but he is kind of wishy-washy. Everyone likes him, and she asked me well why don't you just ask him what his deal is. I said, "It's not my job to ask him. If he's not interested, I'll move on to the next. Period." I don't text first anymore, I don't call. I am not worried about being alone. I know that I won't be. Hell, I think in my lifetime the longest I have been truly single is a couple months. Maybe not even that. I am going to enjoy this time, it's actually pretty fun :)